Weekly Pickups: Protein cookies inspired by Mean Girls, oat-free granola
+ We're coming to Austin!
Happy almost-Easter and Passover to all those who celebrate/observe!
This week, we sludged our way through the slew of April Fools fake product launches that somehow get wackier (read: more disturbing) every year. But this year came with some actual surprises—brands that earnestly launched their funkiest products of the year on April 1st to double-trick consumers. Our friend Gabi at Modern Retail covered the fake-fake (AKA, real) launches this year, including one of our faves, the Olipop x Goodwipes collab.
Curious what you think of April Fools real launches. Good timing, or poor joke?
P.S. Express Checkout is heading to Austin at the end of April!! We’re planning on throwing a big ol’ CPG party (as we do) on April 27th. If you’re in Austin and want to meet up, or are interested in partnering on the event, reply to this email!
And with that, let’s get into this week’s pickups →
Nate’s Pickup:
Caltein Protein Shortbread Cookies
Yes, the name is a play on the Kälteen bars from Mean Girls, and yes, I absolutely love it. We first came across this brand at their booth at Fancy Faire in San Diego, and these things are not only delicious but also incredibly filling—which was nice when I had them for lunch this week. Don't tell my mother. I do need to eat better. But hey, they have 20g of protein per bag! Not too shabby if you ask me.
Quick Facts: High-protein butter cookies packed with 20g of protein per bag. Made with 6–7 simple ingredients, shelf stable, and baked in small batches in NYC. The protein is derived from wheat, which the brand chose specifically to avoid the chalky texture of milk-based proteins or the “earthy” taste of plant-based alternatives. They currently come in four flavors: Chocolate Chip, Lemon Shortbread, Salted Peanut, and Cinnamon Roll.
Reasons to love:
You wouldn’t know it was a protein cookie. You really wouldn’t. Let’s be honest here, most high-protein baked goods aren’t very good. Or at least, you know what you’re eating is a high-protein baked good or sweet treat. They have weird artificial flavors, they’re grainy, or they’re the densest thing known to man. Seriously some of these high-protein snacks are thicc. Caltein dodged all of that. When I say these taste like great shortbread cookies, I mean it—they’re freaking delicious.
Stupid simple ingredients. Normally, I’m not one to really care about ingredient counts—I’m really not picky at all—I’ll have the Legendary cinnamon rolls, energy drinks that taste like Swedish Fish, actual Swedish Fish, David bars. I don’t buy the rhetoric of “less is more” and fake ingredient claims all the time. But baked goods are different, they more often than not need real ingredients, and you just know when you taste it. You can feel the difference. And I think the short ingredient list is exactly why these taste so good. Real butter, cane sugar, wheat protein—no fillers, no gums, no artificial anything trying to mask the taste of everything else. Literally 6 ingredients and that’s all.
If you want another great high protein baked good that I love (that doesn’t have simple ingredients) checkout Drummroll snacks! Their new muffins are great.
Where to buy: caltein.com or if you’re in NYC @ Happier Grocery and The Shelf
Jenna’s Pickup:
NuTrail Nut Granola - Vanilla Strawberry
If it wasn’t already abundantly clear (see: past Weekly Pickups), I love me some granola. And because I try so much granola, that also means that I’m not easily wowed by just any granola. The classic, oat-filled, homogenous, maple syrupy stuff with a sprinkling of almonds just doesn’t cut it anymore.
I want my granola to be a true textural adventure—a playground of layered flavors and crunch levels and consistencies. I’m pleased to report that NuTrail delivers.
Quick Facts: Grain-free, oat-free, no-sugar-added, nut- and seed-based granola that happens to be keto certified and utterly sweet and delicious.
Reasons to love:
Unique ingredients = actually innovative product. Unlike your standard granola that’s 90% oats and 10% random nuts + raisins for textural variety, this granola is fully oat-free… which means its contents are actually innovative. Made with sunflower + pumpkin seeds, coconut shreds, full almonds + hazelnuts, dried strawberries (no sad raisins here), and butter (not oil), this granola tastes completely different from any other granola I’ve tried. The flavors are perfectly balanced (salty, sweet, nutty, bright) and the butter adds this lovely richness—almost cookie-like with the vanilla flavoring. The combo of crunchy hazelnuts and soft dried strawberries is especially unique IMO, and I’m officially obsessed with this flavor pairing.
No sugar added. The best tasting granolas are almost always hiding a sneaky secret: a whole lot of sugar. Granola feels like a health food, but too often, the nutrition label reads a lot closer to a deconstructed cookie. NuTrail, though, sweetens its granolas with erythritol and monkfruit—safe from a post-breakfast blood sugar spike or subsequent crash. With only 2g natural sugar per serving (from the strawberries), this would still satisfy any sweet tooth.
Recent rebrand! I’ve seen NuTrail in store before, but admittedly wasn’t running towards it. Its packaging was mostly white, pretty sterile, and the actual product photography didn’t do it any justice. The new branding is bright, playful, eye-catching, and most importantly, the new photography really lets the texture shine. It’s a true representation of what’s inside the bag, and that makes for one hell of a successful rebrand.
Where to buy: Amazon or in stores near you!
This week on The Curious Consumer, we dive into Danone’s $1.15B acquisition of Huel—and what it says about the future of meal replacement, GLP-1 consumers, and food as pure function. We also cover some celeb product launches, the future of senior nutrition, a new category of alcohol, and more. Check it out here →
We also recently got some great data from our friends at Faire highlighting the dichotomy of “clean” vs. science-forward positioning for beauty and wellness brands. Check it out here →
Thanks for reading! Anything you think we should try for an upcoming edition of Express Checkout? Email us at hello@expresscheckout.co